


Santa Fe

by livia_bj



Category: Constantine: The Hellblazer (Comics)
Genre: Hellblazer - Freeform, Holy Water, John Constantine - Freeform, Liverpool, Lung Cancer, Wine, Zed - Freeform, cheeky bastard, cheryl and gemma marsters, nergal - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 04:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18887266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livia_bj/pseuds/livia_bj
Summary: Reflections of John Constantine while he is heading back to Liverpool, or Santa Fe (as he calls it to make things more dramatic. Because he's a drama queen like that).References to Hellblazer if my memory is still good, I read it many years ago.





	Santa Fe

I open my eyes right before the dawn. I’ve never bee too much of a sleepy head myself and I’m not used to it, it gets even weird on those rare occasions when I’m actually able to really sleep through the night. I roll over the mattress. This time I’m alone. Well, I’m always alone and don’t care about it. Know what they say about no man being an island? Bollocks. 

Oh wait, I have a better one: good things come to those who wait.

Yeah, sure. Not ever been much of someone who waits anyway. I rather take the wheel. Funny thing for someone who doesn’t know how to drive, but what can I say.

Okay, yeah, there’s even a much better one: early to bed, early to rise, Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Ha! Just… ha!

Yes, well, you’re right. I’m wandering off.

So here I am; in this smelly and tacky motel room, ‘Cause I’m going back home. It is possible that you already know that home is a place that begins with Liver and ends with Pool. However, for the sake of literacy, let’s pretend it’s a place called Santa Fe. I’m a big drama slut after all.

There are lots of people who know much about me. Or they think they know much about me. The truth is they don’t know shit. John Constantine is not someone you can put a tag on and classify like a t-shirt. I walk among the living ‘cause I am alive. Can’t say I’m not human because I am, and sometimes I feel ashamed for my own humanity. The spirits, they intoxicate me. I watched them infiltrate my soul. I really mean it, I literally saw them. It is not a bloody metaphor. And ever day they try to say it’s too late for me.

A powerful demon’s blood runs through my veins. The thing went on more or less like this: he screwed me in Newcastle. I paid for it. I was young and inexpert. My first exorcism went wrong, okay, everybody knows that. And years later, when I’m in the hospital about to die - no matter the reason now – the fucking bastards shows up to save my life with a blood transfusion. 

What? If he did it merely because he loved me?

No shit. He used me. He contaminated my body so afterwards I could contaminate the virgin body of a woman whose destiny was to bring a XXth century Jesus Christ to this world.  
More or less this is the story. Don’t want to bore you with all the details.  
In general, having a demon’s blood running through your veins suck. I confess, however, that sometimes I take good advantage of it. For instance, can’t go into a church anymore.

I say I want to die, but that’s not really true. I think I want to live forever. You can tell the maker he can wait. Right now I’m riding somewhere south of heaven, heading back to Santa Fe.

It’s judgment day in Santa Fe.

It wouldn’t be funny if John Constantine wasn’t there.

You have to know something. I was once promised absolution. Problem is, there is only one solution for all my sins. A man has to face his ghosts and know that only one of you is going home again. I have done it. More or less.  
The ghosts of my friends who died in Newcastle follow me. Well, it was just them at first; reminding me how I used to get what I couldn’t get in the end -‘cause I screwed it up, as I just told you - 

The thing is that it was just them at first, but today… today the ghosts of all who died directly or indirectly by my actions and decisions are walking by my side. And believe me, they are way too many.  
The thing is that the show up at any time, at any moment. I have to confess that sometimes they even make me company. Or at least until they start talking. Reproaching me. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t mind walking among ghosts. 

Also, instead of blaming me they should be blaming the world. That’s it.  
This world is shit, and don’t tell me otherwise.

It isn’t this world that makes a good man evil? It isn’t this world that can drive him into madness? It isn’t this world that can turn a killer into a heroe? Well, I blame this world for making a good man bad.

Do you get my point? If not, I really don’t care. For my part I do blame the world for turning me into what I am.

It is pretty clear that I’m not getting into heaven. Even less if the devil has his way with me.

Why I say that?  
Well, the devil hates me. He’s waiting for the moment when I have only one finger in the realm of the dead so he can show up and claim my soul.  
I screwed him a few times, you know - not literally, thank you -. The best was when I invited him to drink a glass of wine that was not wine but holy water under a spell. The laughs I had watching him burn from the inside.

Well, what the fuck. The best time was when I fooled him into giving me a new pair of lungs and get over a lung cancer that was killing me. Oh, the face he put…. Too bad I could not make a video out of it. There he was, waiting for me to die due to the cancer and shit, so he could get his revenge for the holy water thing and then I came up with the biggest and the best con of all my life. New lungs, new life. And the devil raging down in Hell.  
I might live forever just to be sure I take every opportunity to screw him again and again.

But now the sun is getting up and I have to go back to Santa Fe.   
I have debts t pay in Santa Fe. With my sister Cheryl and my niece Gemma.

So if you want you can save a prayer for me, for when I need it most.

Write on the envelope: to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost.

The sender? A sinner with no name.

Oh, sod off. 

A sinner named John Constantine – with capital letters -.

I have always loved to brag anyway.

I will tell you what happens if I ever get to meet them, those three I mean. In fact, if I ever meet my maker… I wonder if he’ll close his book on the hearts I broke and the lives I took in one way or another. Will he walk away ‘cause my soul is too late to save?

Of course it is too late for you, Johnny. 

There’s a clock that shows the future. I sold it in the past. Okay, it was just a regular clock. It was just a con. The clock do exist, however, and my future shows that I must go back to Santa Fe.

Some shit will be unleashed then.

Want to know what’s going to happen, right? Well, I don’t know it myself. I now it’s gonna be hard and painful, but I’ll get over it. I have always been good at manipulating and deceiving people. Black magic is not only spells and invocations; it requires imagination and a practical intelligence. And above all, a special skill to make you believe in the unbelievable.

Gotta go now. Morning is here. 

And I must go back to Santa Fe.

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't want to call this a songfic, cause that tag scares people away. But it is really a songfic somehow.  
> The song is Santa Fe (obviously) released back in the 90's by Jon Bon Jovi for a cowboys movie called Young Guns. If someone got it without this added explenation, congratulations :)
> 
> I'm not an English speaker and absolutely not an expert at catching the British way of talking. Even when I have the Hellblazer books in English.
> 
> I'm sorry about that. I wish I could be bilingual and make things right. But I'm Spanish, and these difficulties come with the package :)
> 
> Hope that you liked it though.


End file.
